How to Give Feedback That Actually Transforms People!
Let’s talk about feedback. Not the “good job” pat on the back or the dreaded “constructive criticism” that leaves you feeling like you’ve been through a meat grinder. I’m talking about feedback that actually transforms people and their behavior. The kind that has a long-lasting impact, that lifts people up, and helps them grow.
Positive feedback has a far greater impact on behavior than negative feedback! Period! And it’s not just about making people feel good—it’s about real change. But here’s the kicker: just saying “good job” isn’t enough. Sure, it feels nice in the moment, but it won’t move the needle in the long run.
The Secret Sauce to Transformational Feedback
If you want your positive feedback to stick, you’ve got to make it sincere, specific, and selective. Sounds like a lot? It’s actually quite simple if you follow the formula of Silicon Valley leadership guru Kimberly Wiefling, based on Tim Irwin’s book, Extraordinary Influence.
Here’s the Four-Part Formula for Giving Transformational Feedback:
- WHAT: Start by telling them exactly what they did that worked. Be specific, not generic!
- HOW: Explain how they did it. What approach did they take that was effective?
- WHY: Let them know why it was effective and inspired you. Talk about their motivation and intention.
- WHO: Finally, tie it back to who they are and what you admire about them as a person.
Example of Transformational Feedback in Action
Imagine you have a team member named Alex who nailed a client presentation. Instead of saying, “Nice job,” try this:
“Alex, the way you structured the presentation with that compelling story at the beginning really captured the client’s interest. Your choice to use a real-life example showed empathy and understanding, which made the client feel heard and valued. This approach highlighted your ability to see things from the client’s perspective, which is something I really admire about you. You always bring a human touch to our work, and it makes a huge difference!”
See the difference? Now, that’s feedback that sticks!
Practice Makes Perfect!
While the formula might not be complicated, it does take practice. The more you do it, the more natural it becomes. And here’s a trick from Kimberly Wiefling:
In the morning, put three coins (or any small items) in your left pocket. Every time you give sincere, specific, and selective feedback, move a coin to your right pocket. Your goal? By the end of the day, all coins should be in your right pocket! And don’t limit this to just work—try it with friends, family, the barista at your coffee shop.
The Takeaway
To sum it up, remember the four parts of transformational feedback:
- WHAT they did that worked.
- HOW they did it.
- WHY it inspired you.
- WHO they are that makes it unique.
Positive feedback is incredibly powerful for inspiring long-lasting behavioral change. Great leaders practice this technique as often as possible. Tonight, I only managed to move one of my three coins to my right pocket. And you know what? That’s okay. Tomorrow is a new day, starting with three coins in my left pocket. Let’s give it another shot!
Thank you for reading The Agile Compass. I’m Matthias, here to help you help those around you become agile.
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